Growing up I managed to make a few friends along the way, it was part of my daily life. It was normal to have someone to talk to, to laugh with, to cry with. Loyalty, love and sisterhood were part of me from a very early age. I grew up with support as a base ..and now looking back it seems easy… my life was easy (even if I probably would have never said that back then). I was lucky but never realised it until it went away for a while.
Fast forward to 2018: I have been in UK for 8 years and in the last 2 there is a piece missing and I think it’s connection. I have great people around me here, we have fun and I think they care but it somehow feels they speak a different friendship language, one I’m still getting used to. My base, the people I grew up with, the relations we built together are somehow different. We all played in the same mud, crowded in our small apartments, dreaming the same dreams. There was a partnership, we were all in the same sort of situation, our personalities, values and hopes were built from the same blocks.
There are many types of friends but the ones who truly make a difference are the ones you click with, the ones you will always remember and the ones you can be yourself with.
The things in common
Ok I know you might not believe me but I have a friend who reads my mind ..or I read hers ..umm who knows?! It’s always been this strange bond between us from loving the exact same band for the exact same reasons and blurring it out in the same time, to knowing how to open up our souls and feeling like what we receive back in return is exactly what we were looking for. Maybe in another life we were twin souls. Did I say how lucky I am?
Having a friend who knows you inside out is awesome and to get to know someone is easier when you have similar values, interests and ideas about the world. Some people grow up together, spend time together and learn to enjoy the same things and others meet later in life in that new photography meet-up and bond over their love for food and diets. I think the deep lasting friendships have to be built on a common ground.
The good the bad and the ulgy
Friends move your heart, become part of you and that bond can rarely be broken. But this is not only because you’ve been perfectly in tune all the time. It’s also about going really dark and hating each-other for a moment and surviving it. Seeing someone in their weakest, meanest place and knowing that part of them is what builds the trust. If you’ve never seen the ugly parts can you truly say you know someone? If it’s all flowers and rainbows can you really feel connected, when every human has some darkness/sadness in them?!
Friendships can be messy: you get annoyed at something you fight, they think I’m impulsive I think they’re irrational. But somehow you come back together, you know what it means to have someone real, someone who gets it, someone loyal, you know how important it is in this world to have someone to raise you up. And no matter how far you go or how little you talk that connection never really goes away.
I know my friends, I don’t have many but I have authentic ones, ones that keep me in check and that welcome me with open arms no matter what and for whom I would do the same in a heartbeat.
The team work
Friendship should inspire you to become better, without it being a competition. As humans, we grow, we gather knowledge and we look at this world wondering what the hell we’re here for?! It’s an amazing feeling to have around you people that wonder the same, that need to be pushed but also push you forward. Unfortunately sometimes circumstances change and somehow people who you thought you knew move further and further away. I had this awesome friend in University, he really got me, we clicked and me, as a Romanian girl that attaches herself to people and holds on, thought I made a new friend for life! (friendship and loyalty is my base remember?!) ..but sometimes it just doesn’t work. But those 2 years were awesome!
I think real friendship doesn’t fade (or it shouldn’t) but as any relationship you have to keep it going, you have to put the effort in asking questions or being there with answers and opinions when needed. Friendship implies balance between two people; it may seesaw sometimes if one person is in a stickier patch than the other, but both partners have to know that they can (must, even) both give and receive. It’s team work!
I’ve talked about the bad things and how relationships are stronger when you go through hardship and darkness, but that’s not what they are for. Friendships are for comfort, support and love. So if you have that person in your life don’t forget to show your appreciation. An “Oh my God you look amazing in that picture” or “I’m so grateful to know that people like you exist” might be unusual but it’s rewarding. Maybe it’s because I’m growing older and I am finally understanding what is more important, or maybe it’s because I’ve been missing some of my friends, but the people in your life are what you will remember at the end, and not the clothes you bought or your latest car. Humans are made for connection, we are social beings, we are all here to grow together and make awesome memories and maybe leave this world better than we found it.
There is so much to be said about this topic! I think my version of friendship should be at the base of any important relationship, it’s rare, it takes time, it’s raw and exciting and full of curiosity – the family you choose.
Guys you know who you are! I am proud to have you in my life; I am lucky to know people like you, my people, my team. Thank you.